3 posts tagged “relationships”

(Let me first say that I hate that I am writing about a breakup. I hate that I am displaying this on a public forum for all to see. I hate that I am being such a girl about what I'm going through, and I hate feeling like I am giving the impression that I'm fishing for sympathy. I'm not fishing for sympathy. But I know that I feel better when I write, and my goal these days is to feel better. So here I am. Writing about a breakup. And it probably won't be the last entry, either. That's my disclaimer. Continue, if you wish; if you're anything like me, you may prefer to skim over this and promptly move on once you realize what it's about. Here goes.)

I found a theme song as I was going through old music on my computer. The song itself is not that old, but I haven't listened to it since long before I ever thought I would be in a relationship. "Our Time" by Tyler Hilton has always struck a chord with me, but as I wrote to my friend earlier today in an email, it's funny how you sometimes don't completely get a song until you have an experience to match it. In my last entry I talked about how I was unhappy with the man I was with. Well, as it turns out, and as is so common, things did not get better. As is also so common, we broke up. We're just not the ones for each other, which stinks sort of, but at least I am now going through a pain that will heal. If I'd stayed with him, the hurt feelings would have only renewed themselves with each encounter. And so now I've been incommunicado for a week and a half, and though it's gotten easier to deal with, the little void is still there and it still pervades me sometimes. I suppose that's why I'm sharing here.

There’s a rule in the book that says it’s gotta be fun.

I hate to admit, but my feelings have changed.

Everybody expects to hear a love song.

Love can’t come from something that never was.

 

There’s a time and a place where thoughts are discovered.

I’ll package a tent, all the sheets that I need.

What I call a gift can’t be given to many,

But loving a friend just ain’t the same.

 

Sorrow hangs like a halo, baby, on my head.

But regret will never fill my vacant heart.

I’m leaving behind the you in my mind.

Though I know it’s new it’s, something I’ll try.

I’ll always remember the way that we cared for our time.

I'm going through a little bit of a tough time right now. I am trying to keep things in perspective, I am trying to be strong, and I am trying to do the right thing despite the sense of dread I have over it. I knew there would be no happy ending when I got into this situation, but at the very least I am becoming stronger as I work some things out. And that is one thing I knew would result. I am learning that the things I want are not unreasonable requests. I am learning that I need more than I thought I would, but I'm beginning to believe that that's okay. I think I deserve a little bit more is all. And I think he's not willing to give that to me.

What do you do when you get a crush on someone?
Submitted by Desi.

Oh man. Of course this question would come up now, just as I am thinking about the people I have crushes on. Here's the thing. I pretty much always have a crush, and it's not unlike me to have more than one. I think I've hit a record right now, though. At 23 I've never had a boyfriend, and school was pretty much my life up until just a few months ago. I graduated and got a new job, one where there are several young men around my age. I've never really had an easy time of talking to people, especially boys, so maybe I'm just overwhelmed by all the testosterone in the air. Either way, there are a few guys I can think of who, if they asked me out on a date, I would say yes. But on to the question at hand.

I am a pretty quiet person, and when I have a crush, guess what? I'm still quiet. I think it all depends on how the crush develops. One of the people on my list is absolutely gorgeous, and I thought so from the very first time I saw him. So when I'm around him and I'm thinking about how beautiful he is, I tend to clam up. Yesterday I was at work and he happened to be nearby, and I was doing my thing, struggling very hard not to grin like an idiot. Other times, though, and I've noticed that this is the case when the conversation is impromptu and I haven't had time to think of a way to seem cool, I find it much easier to make conversation. Thank goodness for that.

All of the other people on my list are people I've grown to like after having spoken to them first, and there are varying degrees of "crush-hood," if you will. A couple of them I can say right out that I want them to want to hang out with me (I would not, however, be the type to see both at once, so don't worry about that. I'm not a jerk.). To the others, I would say yes if asked on a date, but if they never get around to it, it's no biggie. With all of these people, I don't really act very different from my normal self. They're easy to talk to, and I don't feel awkward around them. Again, thank goodness for that.

I really think all of this is just me learning to be comfortable with myself. The more I feel okay with my quirks (and believe me, I have a few of them), the more comfortable I'll be with talking to people and especially potential mates. I am kind of a late bloomer in the social arena, so I've got some catching up to do. But to all you boys out there, and especially to the ones with whom I work, don't be afraid to look my way. Even if we end up as friends and nothing more. Yes, I'm quiet, but I think you've got potential to help me break out of my shell.