1 post from July 2009

(Let me first say that I hate that I am writing about a breakup. I hate that I am displaying this on a public forum for all to see. I hate that I am being such a girl about what I'm going through, and I hate feeling like I am giving the impression that I'm fishing for sympathy. I'm not fishing for sympathy. But I know that I feel better when I write, and my goal these days is to feel better. So here I am. Writing about a breakup. And it probably won't be the last entry, either. That's my disclaimer. Continue, if you wish; if you're anything like me, you may prefer to skim over this and promptly move on once you realize what it's about. Here goes.)

I found a theme song as I was going through old music on my computer. The song itself is not that old, but I haven't listened to it since long before I ever thought I would be in a relationship. "Our Time" by Tyler Hilton has always struck a chord with me, but as I wrote to my friend earlier today in an email, it's funny how you sometimes don't completely get a song until you have an experience to match it. In my last entry I talked about how I was unhappy with the man I was with. Well, as it turns out, and as is so common, things did not get better. As is also so common, we broke up. We're just not the ones for each other, which stinks sort of, but at least I am now going through a pain that will heal. If I'd stayed with him, the hurt feelings would have only renewed themselves with each encounter. And so now I've been incommunicado for a week and a half, and though it's gotten easier to deal with, the little void is still there and it still pervades me sometimes. I suppose that's why I'm sharing here.

There’s a rule in the book that says it’s gotta be fun.

I hate to admit, but my feelings have changed.

Everybody expects to hear a love song.

Love can’t come from something that never was.

 

There’s a time and a place where thoughts are discovered.

I’ll package a tent, all the sheets that I need.

What I call a gift can’t be given to many,

But loving a friend just ain’t the same.

 

Sorrow hangs like a halo, baby, on my head.

But regret will never fill my vacant heart.

I’m leaving behind the you in my mind.

Though I know it’s new it’s, something I’ll try.

I’ll always remember the way that we cared for our time.