37 posts from 2007

I wish for everyone to realize his or her potential. I wish for everyone to be surrounded by love, and that no matter what they may be going through, they can find some solace, however small. I wish for people to help each other and see beyond their differences. I wish for the pursuit of knowledge and the pursuit of wisdom. I wish for people to try to understand one another. I wish for people to realize that fairness does not mean everyone gets the same amount, but that fairness means everyone gets what they need. I wish for young people to know it's okay to march to the beat of their own drum. I wish for everyone to have a goal. I wish for everyone to find their passion. I wish for a woman president. I wish for women to know they don't need a man to be happy, and that their value is not measured by the number on a scale. I wish for men to know it's okay to cry. I wish for every father to know that the best thing he can do for his children is to love his wife. I wish for children to know it's important to make good choices because one day they might come to regret some of them. I wish for parents to read with their children. I wish for adults to lead by example. I wish for two men or two women who love each other to be able to marry without ridicule or fear of ostracism. I wish for people to let go of the little things that bother them, and to take pleasure in the simple things that make them smile. I wish for people to compare themselves only to themselves and not to others. I wish for people to inspire others to do good in making the world a better place. I wish for everyone to remember that we're all just people trying to make it in this world. And although world peace is unattainable, I wish for people to strive for it anyway.

For a full sit-down dinner with several guests, would you rather be the one cooking or do you prefer to just show up and eat?

I was just thinking about this. I have always been a guest for Thanksgiving, and as I was looking around my grandpa's house today, I thought about how I know the whole family was probably cleaning up and making sure everything looked nice for all the guests.

I'm not very social usually, but for something like today or Christmas, I would love to cook. I would love to host something at my house, because I've never had a "normal" life in that sense. When I was a little girl, my dad used to barbecue and invite friends over once in a while. It was so much fun, and while he cooked outside, my mom made potato salad and other stuff inside. Sometimes my dad's friend Greg would play outside with me while we waited for the food to be ready.

As we've gotten older, my dad has lost touch with some of those friends, and there are others he just doesn't get to talk to as often, partly because everyone's busy and partly because our living situation is different from what it was fifteen years ago, so it's difficult to have people over. His health has deteriorated some, and my mom has had to work six days a week for the last ten years or so. Everyone's life has gotten busier and more stressful.

Someday I will have my own house and someday, hopefully, I will have a husband and a kid or two. We will spend the day cleaning and cooking, preparing for the arrival of our guests for a full sit-down dinner. It will be stressful, and it will be hectic, but it will be worth it to enjoy the company of our friends, especially if food is involved. And when the meal is over, when everybody has gone home, we will relax on the couch, happy that everyone had a good time and went home satisfied.

My life, in the near future, is going to undergo major changes. Things are a lot more stressful and uncertain than usual (I'm sure I'll recount the details at some point, in another entry). I am dreading what's to come, but little fantasies like the one above keep me hopeful.

I raised caterpillars for my science education class. Here's what they turned into:

She’s graduating. This is supposed to be a happy time for her. In a perfect world, she has it all planned out: she’s going back home for two years. She’s going to find a job at a library, find out she loves it, pay off student loans while she’s there, take a couple classes at the community college for fun. Then she’s going to apply to grad school, she’s going to get in, and two years later she’ll get hired as a children’s librarian in a city not far from her mom and dad. She’ll find a quaint apartment at an affordable price, and it will be her own little sanctuary. She’ll be there for the next few years, living her life, single, confident, and happy. Then of course, when she least expects it, she’ll meet the man of her dreams and eventually they’ll get married. They’ll find a house together and live happily ever after.  In a perfect world, this is what life is like.

She realizes it’s all a joke. Her world is not perfect. Her world is uncertain, insecure, and unpredictable. She’s graduating. It’s supposed to be a happy time. The occasion, getting a degree, is good, sure. And the going back home part is good too. They’re a pretty close family. The only thing is she doesn’t know what “home” she’s going to. 

See, while she’s finishing up her last semester at college, her parents are finding out they can’t stay where they’re living. There are two families living under one roof, and the other family is leaving, moving on to bigger and better things. Her parents can’t afford the place by themselves.  They’ve known for a few months of the possibility, but now there are only three months until they really have to be out, and they’re starting to panic. Until now, they’ve been able to push the thought to the wayside. Not because they want to, but because they have to. Because thinking about something that troublesome when you can’t do anything about it makes you crazy.

When she leaves college, there will only be one month until they’re out of the house, the house that’s been home for five years. The first home she lost was hers for seventeen years, and leaving that one was hard enough. But now the second home, this home, is going to be lost too, the home she thought she’d never get used to after leaving the first one, only this time leaving it will be different because she doesn’t know where she’s going to go next. It’s not the greatest neighborhood, but it has come to have a place in her heart. No more walks to the liquor store for an ice cream, no more bike rides to the beach, no more peeking out the window to see what the cops are checking out this time.

The thing is she’s scared. She’s offered to help her parents with rent. That part doesn’t scare her. What scares her is remaining stagnant. She wants to go to grad school. She’s given herself the two year interim, but what if the two years come and go and she’s still helping with the rent? What if she can’t go because her parents need her? She doesn’t want to be like the stories she’s heard of kids who have to quit school to take care of the family. Her family has always been poor, and they’ve had their fair share of hardship, but it has never interfered with her resolve to do better. She has never been a stereotype, has never been a statistic. Until now.

Video: Show us a video that makes you laugh.

The latest:

Splendor In the Grass

Paolo Nutini, you are crazy fabulous. Thank you for coming to Los Angeles tonight. I'd never seen you perform before, or even heard you speak for that matter. I've had your CD for awhile, and seen pictures of you, but that had been the extent of it. The show has only made me like you more.

I love your passion. I love your voice. I love your humility. I love watching a smile creep to your lips as you sing. I love that you sang a Disney song in your encore. I love that you seem shy, yet you still manage to show a little silliness. We have that in common, but I don't show my inner goofball to just anyone. You seem like you'd be a good friend. I love your music, and I love that you sang "These Streets" and "Autumn" one right after the other. They're my favorites on the album. I closed my eyes during "Autumn" so I could focus on letting the music drift into my head. And I have to throw this in, because as much as I try not to let myself get too girly, I cannot help noticing that you have a scrumptious mouth.

But back to the important things. My favorite part of the show was when your voice faded during "Last Request" to let the audience sing, and a smile inched upon your face as you listened. I know it might sound cheesy, but I really think that kind of thing helps build a connection between fan and musician.

I've only known of you for a few months, but I have to say, I'm proud of you and admire you and what you do. I look forward to seeing your career progress, and I hope it brings as much success as you hope for. Thank you for sharing your music.

Mmmmm, I just had my very first piece of Ghirardelli Chocolate. Dark Chocolate. 60% Cacao. I took a small bite from the corner, and then I couldn't stop eating it. And then it was gone. Granted, it was in an itty bitty wrapper. It was like a little square of heaven.

I'm not a social butterfly. In fact, the highlight of my school year, I think, is getting so lucky as to win the lottery for a single room in the dorms this semester. Oh, I like doing things with others, but on the flip side, I absolutely need my alone time. Like a fish needs water.

Having said that, I feel really proud of myself when I do socialize. Most of the time I feel pretty awkward. When I eat meals alone, I don't necessarily feel lonely, although I do feel alone. I don't care to sit with people I don't know; I hate small-talk.  But I am a people-watcher, and I can't help noticing the many, many tables of college kids having a grand old time with their suitemates. This sense of alone-ness is compounded by the fact that I am a senior, and I think it would normally be expected that a person of my "rank" would feel more confident or have more friends or something.

Well, I do have friends. The thing with me, though, is that they've all up and gone. My best friends--three lovely young ladies I met freshman year--are two and three years older than me and have graduated. We still keep in touch, but as can be expected, they're moving on with their lives and are not as accessible as when we all lived together and shared a bathroom. My roommate from last year decided to leave the state, and while we didn't become best friends, we got along well. One other good friend that I met sophomore year graduated last year and we haven't spoken much since. Another friend graduated and has started dental school across the country. Another one moved off campus, and the last one is still on campus, but in another housing area. So, I don't feel totally inaccurate when I say I have one friend (the one who remained on campus).

The result is that I really cherish the time I get to spend with my friends. I'm not the kind of gal who is friends with everyone she meets. I'm not bubbly and outgoing the way some people (namely, two of my cousins--not that being bubbly and outgoing is a bad thing, but let's just say I'm glad I don't possess that quality) are. This week is an excellent example. I just ended my first week of the Fall semester, but I've seen three of my friends in the short time span. One of the best friends stopped by to see my new room on Tuesday, another one came by today, and I had dinner with the friend who stayed on campus. Tomorrow I'm going to a live music show with the third best friend, and I've recently become friends with a girl who was formerly an acquaintance. She invited my to her birthday dinner on Sunday.

I know spending time with friends is a normal, everyday thing. But for someone like me, who doesn't make friends all that easily, the friends that I do have are extremely close to my heart. I'm so grateful that they continue to think of me even though our paths have split off in different directions, and I'm really glad we've met. You know, sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I had selected a different college, because I got into a couple of pretty prestigious ones (UCLA and Mills--sorry, I don't mean to brag, but I had to throw the names in there). But I think about these very special friends I've made and the fun times we've had together, and I know I've made the right choice. I think I would have done well academically wherever I ended up. But my gal pals, well, they would have been harder to come by.

Thanks, girls.

I had deep-fried ice-cream for the first time last week. My cousin and I went to a taping of The Tonight Show and had lunch at Acapulco across the street. Here, have a taste:

Deep Fried Ice Cream 8.27.07

Mmmm, it was so good. I want to go eat one right now.